Colorado experienced their first Bodysex workshop a week ago. I am deeply honored to have taken our group of eight women on this magical journey. The weekend was a powerful and bonding experience for the group and we all left with open hearts, feeling deeply nourished.
The healing transformation for the women attending was beautiful to witness. There were lots of tears throughout the workshop, women releasing different things, some of them feeling and releasing emotions they had hidden inside for years. We cried our cathartic tears together and also laughed much in celebration. When each woman left, she gave me a long hug and we gazed in each others eyes. I felt my own heart leap as they expressed pure gratitude and I could see a new confidence and openess in their eyes.
This group was very orgasmic, everyone being practiced in masturbation and most having discovered it as children. Many of the women told their stories of having masturbated since very young and their mothers or grandmothers shaming them heavily for it. Some of them had struggled feeling very ashamed of their desire to touch themselves as young girls and that continued on into their sex life as adults, coloring their partner sex. One or two had fun doing themselves in spite of their parents and enjoyed many rebellious preteen orgasms with vibrators snuck from their parent’s dresser drawers. It was pretty hilarious to hear those stories.
During genital show-and-tell, each woman took her turn trustingly opened her legs for the group to gaze on her inner flower. The variety, texture and color difference for each woman’s vulva was stunning. We all appreciated each woman’s uniqueness and I loved hearing the group’s uplifting comments as I shared my own appreciation for the woman’s vulva sitting next to me. We had a few women with very long inner lips and a couple of them also thought, like Betty Dodson the creator of Bodysex had, that they had stretched their lips out through masturbation. We got to dispel that myth together as we saw having very long (or short) inner lips was totally normal.
The women all commented on what a relief it was to get to see what other women’s bodies really looked like, including their genitals. Several expressed gratitude for the show and tell ritual and how they felt more comfortable with their bodies after it.
The second day, when we gathered back in the circle, everyone shared how their night had gone. One had found the strength at work to stand up for herself and say “No” to her sexually harassing boss. Another had gone out with friends and shared all about Genital Show and Tell and how free she’d felt in the circle. Her friends were baffled and she realized how needed this work was in the world. Some of the women had taken time to reflect and let everything take root and one had sex with her lover and enjoyed a bigger than ever before orgasm with him.
I had my own healing experience that first night. I shared how in my nighttime bath I was suddenly overcome with grief. I grieved the little family of sisters we’d created ending the next day, and as I felt that, memories of my past and all the ‘families’ I’d had that ended appeared in my mind. I cried huge cathartic tears, wailing, realizing that for years I have been searching for a home, somewhere to belong. It was powerful to feel and own that desire fully. I’d kept it secret all these years, trying to seem self-sufficient and hiding my neediness from others in hopes that would make them like me more.
Getting out of the bath I called my mother and asked of her something I had not asked for since a young child. With the vulnerability of a child, I asked her to sing me to sleep. She was surprised, but with joy in her voice she sang sweetly several songs, the same songs I now sing to my son. I listened knowing this was the most vulnerable I’d been with her since pre-adolescence. And healing was happening from it. It was my chance to get healing by asking for the support I needed, something I’d always struggled to do and Bodysex was reversing that.
After the group share and some demonstrations of orgasm techniques, we began erotic recess with some gentle sensate touch. Lying down with our eyes closed, we practiced gliding our hands over our whole bodies, taking in the feeling of our own skin and the feeling of our hands on caressing our skin. “You are your own first and only life long lover. Love yourself like a lover would. Give yourself love in your touch.” I told them. The first phrase is a Betty Dodson quote. It’s my favorite of hers and a truth that bears repeating over and over again.
After a couple minutes of sensate touch, I looked up expecting to see the group still stroking their whole bodies but instead several of them were already going at it with their hands on their pussies. ‘They’re more ready than I am!’ I thought laughing. We moved right along into recess then and quickly the room filled with the beautiful sounds of women in pleasure. There is no lovelier sound I think than a woman in authentic pleasure.
As often happens, as one woman approaches orgasm and releases, hearing it others climb to their own orgasms in energetic response. I felt my own body respond to the energy in the room, it was dynamic, electric and full of delicious expanding light. I sat up hearing one woman about to come and seeing and hearing all the women, I felt my body rocket into a warm and quick unexpected climax.
The recess was beautiful and all the women were lighter afterwards. “We need our orgasms. They’re important” one woman remarked.
The final experience of Bodyse is group, non-sexual touch massage. I put on some spa music while we massaged each other and each woman got her turn to fully sink into the floor, receiving nourishment from six compassionate hands without the need to give anything back.
We gathered in the circle holding hands to close and the women expressed feeling deeply nourished, opened and grateful for the safety and freedom to be themselves they had felt that weekend. Everyone left their countenance full of joy.
I have so much gratitude for the brave women who assembled for this healing journey. Each one is courageous and powerful. It takes a lot of guts to choose to get naked with a group of women you don’t know for a weekend. And then once you do it, you get to realize how being naked really isn’t a big deal after all.
The world is scared to be naked, but under our clothes we all have bodies. We share the same insecurities and fears of being judged. When we’re willing to share those insecurities and vulnerabilities with each other, it brings us together and we learn how we have nothing to fear because everyone is wanting the same thing: to be recognized and accepted for who they are without judgment. This is love and this is what Bodysex is about.
Here is the beautiful space we gathered in for the sacred circle: