I’ve considered getting coaching to help with desire troubles. The issue is that I’m a private person and even saying the word “sex” is weird to me. I’ve never really talked to anyone about it and don’t know how coaching would work for me, or be right for me, if I don’t feel comfortable talking about it. The word itself just sounds weird, let alone having a conversation about it.
The power to speak openly and honestly about your sexuality is one of the greatest powers you can give yourself. It opens up your ability to talk to your partner(s) about your sex life and gives you permission to claim your pleasure and your unique sexual desire and experience. I’m glad you asked about this and I’m glad the internet exists where you can tell me how you’re feeling in text without spoken word being a barrier, so I can help! 🙂
Years ago I was very shy about my sexuality and couldn’t speak about it. I came from a very conservative background and never heard anyone talk about sex, except to say I shouldn’t do it. Long before I felt comfortable with it, I began to listen to podcasts on sexuality and intimacy. I listened to countless hours of podcasts with experts in the field. It helped me to hear other people talking comfortably about sexuality and I gradually became more comfortable myself. I also learned an enormous amount along the way which improved my sex life and personal happiness.
Then I began to *try* talking about sex with others. It was really awkward at first. I tried to confide in my friends about different things going on in my sexuality or ideas I’d heard on the podcasts and I often got nervous and changed the subject or left feeling utterly ashamed and embarrassed like there must be no one stupider or more weird than me on the planet. This was all happening in college and I chose very open-minded people to confide in, but I still would get very nervous and shut-down. It took time and practice to change that.
Eventually I got comfortable. The more I opened up in myself and gave myself permission to be sexual and to be ME, the more at ease I felt. It’s liberating to feel at ease with something so fundamental as sex. Now I’m writing and speaking about the subject! That just goes to show how much the nervousness can change for you if you want it to.
Please give yourself permission to be sexual and to be YOU. You will reap so many benefits. Coaching would be incredibly healing for you I’m guessing. Just being able to TALK about sex will likely help you with your desire, or at least help you start moving forward on the issue. Give yourself that gift of freedom.
You can also do what I did, and start listening to *others* talking openly about sex. You could go to a local sex positive class and listen to some podcasts.
The podcast site I listened to is sadly no more. If anyone has suggestions of good sexuality podcasts, please make a comment with them so we can all enjoy.
Hope you find some ease and healing openess,